We Can't Afford to Hang Out

We Are Being Priced Out of Third Spaces

One of the less discussed reasons people are socializing less is that ordinary social life has become increasingly expensive.

We talk a lot about phones, social media, anxiety, dating apps, and people becoming more isolated. While all of that certainly contributes, there is another part of the story we're ignoring.

People are being priced out of physical third spaces.

A third space is the place you go that is not home and not work. Coffee shops, parks, libraries, barbershops, hair salons, churches, gyms, community centers, diners, front porches, rec leagues, and all the other places where people become familiar to each other without having to formally schedule every interaction.

“Free” Is Not Always Accessible

A latte is now getting close to $8 in a lot of places. A men’s haircut can easily run $50. I will not even pretend to understand the financial violence occurring at women’s hair salons.

Parks and libraries are technically free, but only if you live close enough for them to be part of your actual life. In many cities, living near desirable parks, walkable neighborhoods, and community spaces often means paying significantly higher housing costs. If the park is more than fifteen minutes away, you are probably not going as often as you think you are. By the time you account for traffic, gas, parking, kids, weather, and the energy it takes to leave the house after a long day, “free” is no longer free.

Then you look at the newer versions of third spaces: country clubs, social clubs, boutique gyms, Lifetime Fitness memberships, coworking spaces, and curated wellness communities. We now live in a world of "haves and have-nots".

So when people say young people do not hang out anymore, I think we have to ask a better question:

Where exactly are they supposed to go?

Why Virtual Spaces Took Over

This is one reason virtual third places have become so powerful. Group chats, gaming lobbies, Discord servers, Reddit threads, TikTok comments, and online communities are free, open all the time, and do not require a $7 coffee, a membership fee, or commute.

I do not think we should dismiss virtual spaces. I have been building a men’s group online for this exact reason. People are busy, spread out, overwhelmed, and trying to stay connected in a world that makes connection strangely difficult. For some people, an online space is the first place they are honest, consistent, or willing to show up.

But virtual connection cannot fully replace physical presence.

Why In-Person Contact Still Matters

Research on social connection keeps reaching the same conclusion: relationships are not just emotionally meaningful, they are tied to mental health, physical health, stress regulation, sleep, depression, anxiety, cognitive functioning, and even mortality risk.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on adult life, has found that relationship quality is one of the strongest predictors of long-term health and happiness.

Make Connection Cheaper and Easier

The answer cannot just be “go be more social.” That advice is useless if social life has become too expensive, too scheduled, too performative, or too dependent on everyone having disposable income.

Have people over for a potluck instead of meeting at a restaurant. Rotate Sunday dinner at someone’s house each week. Start a monthly soup night, grill night, taco night, or “bring whatever you have” night. Go on walks instead of grabbing drinks. Watch the game at someone’s house instead of at a bar. Join or start your own rec league.

The goal is to make socialization low-cost and recurring. If every gathering requires a group text, six schedule changes, a reservation, childcare negotiations, a parking plan, and $85, it is probably not going to become part of your life. The easier it is to repeat, the more likely it is to become culture.

This is also why I have been working on a project to help people stay more connected in the middle of busy lives. I will share more soon, but the conviction behind it is simple: we do not just need better advice about loneliness. We need better structures for staying in touch.

People are not meant to build their entire social lives out of comment sections and occasional dinner reservations.

We have to make being together ordinary again.

Question for the week:​
What is one low-cost, repeatable gathering you could create or join this month?

Hack of the week: Sunday feast

Start a rotating Sunday meal with 3–5 people. The host makes the main dish, everyone else brings something small, and the rule is that it stays easy enough to actually repeat.